Twisted Tales
by FullMetal Zim
Summary: It’s every released episode of Invader Zim, hopefully in the right order, but there’s a twist. A LOT of twists! Nothing but twisted episodes, leaving your questions answered. Q’s such as “What if this happened?” Read and see the alternated alternate unive


PF: This chapter is semi-dedicated to my sister, Sailorgreeny! It's her birthday on valentines day, so wish her a happy B-Day!

Summary: It's every released episode of Invader Zim, but there's a twist. A LOT of twists! Nothing but twisted episodes, leaving your questions answered. Q's such as "What if this happened?" Read and see the alternated alternate universe!

Disclaimer: I don't own IZ, I only own me.

Chapter one: The nightmare begins... sorta.

Zim was so excited to be going to conventia, he had been sent to foodcourtia so the invitation must have been lost in the mail. Or maybe Sizz-lorr ate it. Either way, he had to make it to Conventia as soon as possible.

The voot cruiser was up and running, now he had to make a clean get away. The assigning was going to start in a matter of hours, and the great foodening was about to begin. "The Almighty Tallest will be so happy to see me! I wonder if they picked a hard enough planet for me to conquer!"

He was already over half way there. Just a little while longer and he'd be standing beside the Tallest, getting assigned a planet and be on his way to destroy it.

When he got there he pushed through the crowd, he was late and the crowd was already trying to leave. "Wait! Wait! Don't go!" He started to reach the front of the crowd.

"Oh no." Tallest Purple said. "It couldn't be..." Zim crawled onto the stage. "Zim."

"I'm sorry that I'm late. Sizz-lorr must have eaten my invitation. Plus the robot's at the front were keeping me out. You should think about firing them." Zim said, pointing behind him. "So you still have my planet, right?"

Red thought fast. "Well. Ummmm. First of all, you weren't invited. Second of all, if you were invited you would be watching. We never had a planet for you." Purple elbowed Red and whispered something in his ear. "Oh, yeah! That's right! We did invite you! And you get a planet."

"Yes, but it's a mysterious planet. No one has ever heard of it." Red said, clearly pulling this idea right out of a hat.

"Ooooh. A secret planet. Good idea- I mean- it's so mysterious, that those that have heard it's name, dare not speak it!" Purple decided. He was starting to laugh now.

Zim jumped up and down gleefully. "What's it's name?"

"Oh we dare not speak it." Purple said quickly. "We can't even place it on a map. But we can tell you it's five gagillion paces that way," He pointed to his right, "Then two million paces that way," He pointed behind him. Zim pulled a note pad out of his PAK and was writing the directions down. "And then you just keep going on until you find a lone star. There is a single life giving planet surrounding it, out of the eight."

Zim smiled widely. "Thank you my Almighty Tallest. I will serve you well!" He saluted and ran off to prepare.

A small robot approached him at the door. He had red eyes, shoulders and a little red plate on his chest, showing that he was in duty mode. This particular robot was usually green, showing that he was in... not smart no more... mode. "My master! I have already prepared your ship!"

"Are you... SHHH! My Tallest! This is G.I.R.! He should be on the solitary confinement planet! He ruined everything because of his being so... not smart no more, remember! He bugged at least two hundred PAK's, including mine! PLus, he caused te death of two Tallest's!" Zim screamed when he recognized the horrible robot. He glared hatefully at it. "You're an insane robot, you know."

"Oh, he was fixed." Red said. He leaned over to Purple and whispered, "Just enough so he should be no use to Zim whatsoever." He talked to Zim some more. "We decided to give you the latest version of a S.I.R. unit. He was fixed so well he works better than other units do. Here you go."

"Hmmm." Zim examined the robot. "He appears to be fine. Thank you, my Tallest!" Zim went and hopped into the ship. G.I.R. was till in duty mode. A new record according to what Zim remembered. "Now, G.I.R. we go rain doom upon the planet they call... really far away, doomed planet. Wait a minute. How do we take paces inside of a cruiser? Ah well. Let's go rain some doom!"

When Zim said 'doom' G.I.R.'s eyes turned the blue/green color they used to be oh so often. "I'm gonna sing the doom song now!"

Zim looked over at his new evil minion. "Nooooooooooooooooo!" He knocked the cruiser into a super fast speed. "Ahhhhhhhhhh! Stop it this instant!" G.I.R. payed no attention to Zim and continued singing.

(On Earth)

Dib was on the roof of his house, trying to avoid getting killed by Gaz. He was screwing around with his walkie talkies and trying to see if he could get some alien transmissions out of it. Just as an experiment. It was after dark so he couldn't wander off in search of big-foot or something.

He heard some screaming and some robot voice singing the word 'doom' over and over again. The doom stopped suddenly. "Eavesdropper from planet 'Earth'!"

The one that was screaming took a breath and shouted, "What is 'Earth!"

"Our enemy planet! The one we must annihilate!" The robotic voice answered, before returning to his song. "Doom, doom , doom doom doooooom doom doom, doom do-doom DOOM!"

"They're coming." Dib stood and looked at the sky. He ran to the edge of his roof and hopped into his pool, swam to the end and got out to go to the kitchen where Gaz was waiting to murder him.

"You drank the last soda." She said, clenching her fists.

Professor Membrane came into the room. "Glad to see you two getting along so well." He walked over to his own little counter.

"They're coming! Dad, Gaz! The aliens are coming to destroy the world!" Dib told them, waving his hands frantically around in the air.

"Who's coming, Dib?" Gaz asked with an angry tone in her voice.

Dib looked out the window, up into the stars. "I don't know. I don't know." He said in a dramatic voice. His stomach grumbled. "Man I'm starving. Dad, what are we having for dinner?"

"Not now son. I'm making," He held out a piece of toast. "Toast! We can eat later!"

(4 months later in the voot cruiser with Zim and G.I.R.)

They were still going at a super high speed, G.I.R. got bored halfway to Earth so now he was flipping from Duty mode to not smart no more mode. "G.I.R.! Stop it, now! That obnoxious noise you make when you switch modes is giving me a headache! We're almost there, see. A single star, surrounded with a single planet suitable for life. All the rest are too close or too far. The third planet from the star!"

G.I.R, stopped on duty mode. "Yes, my master!" He took control of the cruiser and watched out for any important information. By the time they entered the atmosphere he had switched back to not smart no more mode. Zim was left to watch for information all alone.

They landed in an empty space between two buildings, they didn't disturb any one. Every body was sleeping so they had to be extra quiet. Zim and G.I.R. hopped out of the cruiser and set the cruiser up to form their disguises. "Okay..." He began flipping through the options. "Too ugly... Too stinky... Perfect!" He stepped into the machine and came out in a cloud of smoke.

"Master! Where are you?" G.I.R. searched frantically for Zim. He took off a contact and his black wig. "Ooooh. Can I be a chicken? Oh! Or a squirrel! Or a dog disguised as a robot disguised as a dog as a robot as a dog-"

"G.I.R. this is no time for you to be messing around. You're going to be a mongoose! Got it?" Zim picked a mongoose costume and shoved G.I.R. into the machine. When he came out he was wearing his green dog suit with black paws and ears. "That's not a mongoose! Oh well, it'll have to do."

Zim pulled an Irken note pad out of his pocket and designed his lovely pentagon shaped house. Four gnomes stood in the lawn with a few pink things protruding from the ground. "There!" He placed it onto the ground and the house he designed exploded into existence. Tubes springing around every where and lodging themselves in neighboring houses. "Kinda shinny. Okay G.I.R. let's get inside."

Car alarms were going off everywhere, people were coming outside to see what had happened. G.I.R. ran inside and jumped in front of the door, waiting for Zim to open it. When they were both safe inside, Zim sat back on the couch and panicked. "That was horrible! The most attention I've ever drawn to myself!"

G.I.R. hopped out of his mongoose dog costume. "That's not true! Remember that one time! And the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that?"

"Those were all your fault!" Zim screamed. "I have to report to the tallest. Don't do anything stupid!"

G.I.R. flipped to duty mode. "Yes, my Lord!"

Zim entered his main base and ordered his computer to contact the Tallest. The Almighty Tallest appeared on screen. Purple jumped, "What? You found a planet that doesn't-" He caught himself before telling Zim that they had planned on letting him die. This might be amusing for them. "You found out how to take paces in a space ship..."

Zim thought about the trip to Earth. "You could say that." He nodded. I have landed on planet Earth. I don't think I'll be needing the help of the armada, but if you feel like it you could send them on over whenever. I'll probably be done by the time they get here though." He smiled all happy like.

"Well uhhh. Sorry Zim! We have another call coming in! See ya later!" Red had the transmission cut and actually tricked Zim into thinking they had another call. Zim got on his computer to do some research and found that humans his size went to a place called 'skool'. He would have to attend if he wanted to blend in well. He spent the night enrolling and resting up. Also getting used to the horrible itchiness of his contacts.

(Whoo! Now at skool the next day!)

Ms. Bitters stood in front of the class, motioning toward Zim. "Class, I need you to meet the newest hopeless appendage to the student body. His name is Zim. Now introduce yourself and go sit down."

Zim smiled happily and just introduced himself. "Uhh. Hellooo. My name is Zim." Then he went to his seat.

"Now I don't want to hear another word from you! Taday's lesson will be on how doomed the universe is. Just doom, doom, doom, doom," Ms. Bitters just continued repeating the word 'doom'.

Dib, who was sitting a couple seats away, stood up and stared at Zim for several minutes strait. " Does any one else... see the alien sitting in the class room?" The students all looked around at each other. "Zim is an alien!" He shouted. Everybody just looked at Zim and shrugged. "Can't you tell? He's green!"

Zim picked an excuse quickly after pulling out his self destruct button, but he decided not to use it quite yet. "It's just a skin condition. And it's not really green. I just have to keep green paste on it all the time." He decided. "It dries as soon as it comes on!" He smiled gleefully.

"Well, you have no ears, is that part of your skin condition too?"

"Yes." Zim said in a sad voice. Rob threw his pencil at Dib. "Hey! What was that for?"

"He has a life threatening skin condition and all you can do is call him an alien? That's just not right!" Zeta said. "Wait... it is life threatening right?" Zim nodded. You have to SSRI doing this, just because he's different doesn't mean he's an alien. Or is old gyuy an alien too?"

"No, am I the only one that saw the self destruct button on Zim's arm!" Dib asked. "Come on! Has anybody here ever heard of a skin condition that causes you not to have ears?"

They all shook their heads no. "It's new. A newly discovered disease or something. It can be life threatening if not treated and is contagious. So stay away from me and don't look at me!"

Ms. Bitters pointed at the door. "Go home now!" The bell rang and the classroom emptied.

Dib met Zim outside with a pair of hand cuffs. He was pointing them at Zim. "I got this from one of my UFO magazines." He said happily.

"Oooh. Pretty. What is it?" Zim was pretty nervous and didn't like the looks of the cuffs.

"It's obviously a pair of hand cuffs, but these are guaranteed to render any alien unconscious." Dib stepped toward Zim.

"How do you know if the work if you've never tried them?" Zim asked, trying to edge away.

"I'm about to find out!" Dib lunged himself at Zim, but he slipped away and ran down the street as quickly as he could. Dib could tell where Zim was going so he took a short cut. THey met at a pile full of orange boxes, which forced Zim to turn around and climb on top all of the cares,until he reached the school bus. "I've got you know, Zim!" The bus started to move from it's spot at the red light and they both fell over.

Zim nearly fell off but caught himself in time, he jumped off and ran for a bush that he could hide behind to call G.I.R. with. "G.I.R. I need you to come pick me up. Okay?"

"Yes my master!" G.I.R. was on his way, but Dib snuck up behind Zim and cuffed him. Nothing happened, but Zim couldn't resist tossing Dib right at the angry dog that was standing right behind him.

Zim took the cuffs off and jumped onto G.I.R. when he got there. They were leaving behind such a huge trail of smoke that Dib had the chance to follow him to his base, Dib decided to follow, just for the sake of finding out where Zim lived. When they got there, Dib took note of the way to get there and left.

When Zim got inside he leaned back comfortably in the couch. "I feel good about what happened today."

PF: The end! I hope you guys like it. I obviously can't twist everything. I'll twist even the smallest things. Remember, I can't go through everything they say or do in the episode either, so I'll probably cut out some chunks to make it easier on me. Suggestions and reviews would ne greatly appreciated. And muffins. Ooooh, I like muffins.


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